Your heart is shattered and you are unable to get your ex out of your mind. You miss your ex so much; that you'll do just about anything to win your partner back.
With every ounce of your being, you believe the two of you are soul mates, destined to be together and for whatever reason, you broke apart, you genuinely believe that you really can repair what's broken and strengthen the love you once shared.
Despite the reasons why you split up, whether it involved infidelity, lies, mistrust or you simply grew apart, there are ways of reuniting with your ex, and not only moving forward but reversing the damage that’s been caused so that you are able to fall in love with each other all over again.
Time changes all of us, and for many couples who have been together for a long time, they fail to recognize just how important their partner is to them until it's too late. We take people for granted, assuming they’ll always be there for us and when they up and leave, we panic, scramble and realize exactly what we lost, and how important they really were to us.
Just know that there is still hope, and if you’re dedicated to repairing your relationship, you can make it happen.
Let’s take a closer look at the 7 secrets to getting back with your ex…
Secret 1: Improve Yourself
One of the most powerful things you can do to recapture your ex’s attention is to go through a complete self-improvement overhaul that starts from the inside – out.
Do you know what this will do for your chances at reuniting with your ex?
It will remind your ex of why they fell in love with you in the first place, and it will take them back to a time when you were happy and excited about exploring one another as you grew closer every day.
You also want your ex to see you and think “Wow, she or he looks great. I wonder what he/she is up to”.
If you do this right, your ex won’t think you are doing it for them, but for yourself and again, this confidence is a powerful magnet that will draw your ex in, and get more attention than you ever could any other way!
Here are a few ways that you can begin improving your self-image:
Join A Gym!
There is no better way to begin the self-improvement process than to join a local gym. Not only will you make new friends, but you will be able to get some of that stress out through a powerful workout!
Alternatively, if you don’t want to join a gym, why not purchase some home fitness equipment?
You could invest once into the equipment, use it for years, and not have to pay a monthly gym subscription.
Choose the option that’s right for you.
The last thing you want is for your ex to see you as someone with no social life, who is sitting at home pining away the hours until they return. If there is no threat of you moving on, your ex has no reason in the world not to just do their own thing until your ex feels like coming back.
You never want to put yourself in a position where your ex uses the situation where he/she sees the opportunity to “have their cake and eat it too.”
Take Up a Sport
Odds are that you enjoyed something that you may have pushed aside to focus on your relationship. Perhaps you used to play volleyball, tennis, hockey, pool or baseball. You may have gathered the guys up for a game of poker once a week, or you went golfing. Now is the time to renew those relationships with your friends. Invite the girls/guys out for a day on the town, or onto a field for your favorite sport.
Take Up a Hobby
This is time for you, so spend it focused on things that you enjoy. Perhaps you love camping, hiking, model cars, scrapbooking, or playing an instrument. Whatever you enjoy, now is the time to dive right into it.
Take Up a New Skill
Are you into computers? Spend some time learning a new skill such as programming or designing. Perhaps you have always wanted to learn photography, or you wanted to finish that book that’s been sitting on your desk.
Secret 2: Take Your Time
If it’s full speed ahead for you and your ex, both parties need to check themselves. There are things that should have been resolved prior to you guys getting back together.
Here are some things that you need to do before you rebuild that commitment again:
If your relationship was wavering, you and your ex need to make sure that this time around the outcome will be different. Both of you have to make changes in order for the relationship to work and grow.
You and your ex have learned what to do and what not to do from your previous relationship. The mistakes that were made back then are history. You have realized that you can’t do the same things again.
Any problems that both of you had with each other have been resolved. Those issues will not or should not come up again. It’s important to hash out the past before moving on to the future.
Both parties must be willing to give and take. It can’t be one person always giving and the other one always taking. There has to be a balance. Also, there will be times when you have to compromise, even though you may not want to.
Both parties will need to agree to disagree. It’s obvious that you’re not going to agree on everything, but you can agree to disagree. Taking that approach will give both of you peace of mind.
You and your ex both know what you want out of the relationship. You have sat and talked with each other extensively. You know each other’s habits, what makes you alike as well as what makes you different and you’re willing to accept that.
You don’t have to be around each other all of the time. Even in a relationship, you still need space. If you don’t, one of you may start feeling needy. Or one of you may start feeling cramped.
Move on from past mistakes. Both of you are looking for a fresh start, so what better way to do it than to move forward? Looking back in the past just keeps you behind. You can’t move forward if you’re always dwelling on what happened before, especially if it was negative.
You have confidence that the relationship will work. You and your ex can work together to iron out any differences that you may have.
You have genuine respect for each other. Neither of you is about disrespecting the other in any way.
Be able to be affectionate toward your ex again. This is one of the main parts of getting back together. There has to be genuine love and care for each other. Don’t just get back together because of the intimacy and the lovemaking that you miss so much.
Remove any jealousy or envy from your relationship. Neither you nor your ex can have a satisfying and productive relationship if one or both parties are insecure and can’t trust each other.
Secret 3: Evaluate Your Relationship
When you are working on getting back together with your ex, both of you have to keep in mind that it takes two people to repair a relationship. Both of you must agree to do what it takes to make it happen. If only one of you wants to make progress, the relationship will be doomed from the start.
After both of you have decided to move forward with getting back together, you will have to take renewed steps to get it right this time. Maybe one of you has a habit of a bad temper.
Renew your mind so that you don’t flare up every time something does not go your way or there’s something you’re not happy about. Making that step to change bad habits is required if you truly want to make your relationship work.
Basically, you are starting all over again with your ex. Make it a fresh start. Think about the first time the two of you met and made it work. Get reacquainted with each other. You will have to get to know each other again from the beginning. Think about some of the special times that you had with your ex. See if you can rekindle some of those times again.
Seek and ask for forgiveness for the mistakes you made in the previous relationship. Also, forgive yourself for what happened. That is the only way that you can move forward without carrying a burden of guilt.
You and your ex need to be willing to change your thinking about certain things. You can’t take some of the same attitudes that you had before and use them. They may be detrimental to your relationship.
Work on rebuilding your future rather than staying stuck in your past. You won’t move forward together if you can’t let go, and focus on what is most important, which is building a future together.
You and your ex must be willing to listen to each other. In order to communicate effectively, both parties should feel comfortable being open with their thoughts and feelings, regardless of how it may make the other person feel at times.
Don’t brush off things that your ex has to say. In essence, you are disconnecting from your ex when you fail to genuinely listen to what is on their mind. Disconnection can lead to a distant relationship and ultimately destroy your chances of staying together.
Nourish the relationship and each other. When you do that, you allow the relationship to grow. Be a caring and affectionate person. Show your ex that you care for them and that you are serious about getting back together.
Work on your differences and don’t let them stop you from moving forward.
Both you and your ex have to trust each other. Trust is very important in a relationship. It’s even more important when you are trying to get back with your ex. Trust makes for a solid foundation in every relationship.
When you are learning to bond with your ex again, take it day by day. Don’t be in a rush to make it right. You want to lead up to it and make it worth your while. This time around, you want your relationship with your ex to last.
Secret 4: Be Confident, Not Needy
It has been shown that the more you try to get your ex back, the more they try to stay away from you. Typically, when you chase people, they tend to run away. In other words, if you become needy and desperate to get your ex back, your ex will feel suffocated causing even more distance between the two of you.
What your ex really wants is someone who can think for themselves and has a strong will to be the best they can be. They also want someone who will challenge them to be the best that they can be.
Find out what your ex really wants in regard to a relationship. Ask them questions. You may be surprised by their answers. Don’t take them for granted and assume what is really important to them.
Secret 5: Don't Appear Desperate
When working to get back with your ex, there are some things that you should not do:
- Show your desperation outwardly.
- Squander the other person’s time.
- Constantly asking them whether or not they are still interested in getting back together with you.
- Constantly asking other questions in regard to feelings.
- Give them the space they need.
- Don’t call or text them every day or every few hours.
If you are working to get back with your ex, the last thing he or she wants is for someone to be calling them or hounding them every few hours. The more you do it, the quicker you push them away from you.
Becoming a stalker isn’t a good look!
Don’t center your life around your ex. Be free to do other things. Find other activities that you are interested in. When you do spend time with your ex, you will appreciate it more and have more things to talk about.
Being needy is dangerous and can lead to a failed reunion.
Secret 6: Don’t Play Games
If you are looking to get back with your ex, you should be serious about it.
Don’t play games and string them along.
It is important that you are serious about getting back with your ex. The emotions run high during a breakup and you need to keep your anger and hurt in check.
Be sure that your feelings for your ex are real. Be confident that you want to make a go of the relationship again.
If one of the parties is not serious about it, they need to be honest and say so.
Playing games with your ex is serious business and can have serious consequences if you’re not ready to get back together with them.
Secret 7: Demonstrate Your Commitment
There are things that you can do to show your ex that you are serious about getting back with them and staying together.
However, there are some people that think you have to spend a lot of money and always do something big in order to impress them. That is not true. A lot of times it’s the little and simple things that you can do that will stand out.
The little things are those that your ex will appreciate the most. They can be planned or they can be spontaneous.
Here are some of the little things you can do for your ex once you’ve gotten past the getting back together stage:
- Give them a single rose.
- Compliment them on how they look. Tell them how beautiful or how handsome they are.
- Give them a hug and let them know how much you appreciate them.
- Call them spontaneously and let them know that you are thinking about them.
- Hold their hand.
- Give them a massage after a rough day.
- Leave them notes and let them know how you feel.
- Place your arm around them as you’re taking a walk.
- Smile at them.
- Don’t relive the past and what happened. Forget about it and move on.
Before you can move on, learn from your mistakes and vow not to repeat them again. If you and your ex are looking to start fresh in a relationship with each other, start slow and don’t expect a lot from each other in the beginning.
Going slow is the best way to renew and rekindle a relationship. Both of you will be able to start fresh and make amends.
Don’t take getting back with your ex lightly, because you have to first determine if breaking up was the right move, to begin with.
Sometimes the two people that would like to mend their broken relationship aren’t meant to be together and forcing that union could be catastrophic.
Like we mentioned earlier, you must take your time to determine if pursuing your ex is a good idea or not.
Applying what you’ve learned in this article is a great start.
Good luck to your happily ever after with your ex!